Weasel Presents: Robots!

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You’ve fought back against the hellishly-archived forces of the Third Reich in Weasel Presents: Nazis!. You stopped a brutal takeover and saved hundreds of lives in Weasel Presents: Terrorists!. Now, it is The Future, and the Earth Colonies and Hell alike are in danger from beings of humanity’s own design. The uprising has begun, and it is up to you to stop it, in Weasel Presents: Robots! (Batteries Not Included)

As the subtitle implies, WP:R! is a new edition of my classic(-ish) EDGE mod, Batteries Not Included (ww-bni.wad). All weapons are energy based, even the melee weapons.

The Player

Our hero is the newest generation of the world-renowned SomeGuy family, Lieutenant Colonel Richard SomeGuyWithABlaster of the Solar Liberty Coalition (SLC). With some experience in commandeering enemy ships via transporter-based assault and boarding crews, Lt.Col. SomeGuy is chosen to deal with the robot uprising. Should he fail, mankind is down to their last line of defense, and humanity’s self-destruction cannot be prevented.

A tool that the player has is a special shield. By default, the player’s shield acts like Doom-style blue armor worth 50 points, charging only if it has been more than ten seconds since the player last took damage. The player may also press a button to Focus the shield, making him invulnerable and reflect projectiles back to their sources as long as the button is held, but this drains the shield. Doom’s armor pickups become over-shield batteries; Green armor overcharges it to 100 points, and blue armor to 150.

Weapons

The arsenal is as follows. Ammo in this mod is handled in the style of Deus Ex: Invisible War (or like the E99 batteries in Singularity); most weapons draw from a common battery pool, with more powerful weapons taking more battery. The player can carry up to 9 spare batteries (never more than 9), but the maximum charge each battery is worth can be upgraded (somehow) so that the player effectively gets a larger magazine size with all common-battery weapons. Some weapons have their own ammo pool, usually weapons that have special means of recharging, or payload-based munitions like the Plasma Grenade launcher.

Each weapon needs a Model, a Long Name, a Short Name, and an AiCID Name. The Short Name is used internally and in the Tag property (for weapon switching), the Model is shown on the status screen, the Long Name is read by HQ during Codec calls, and the AiCID Name is what AiCID calls it.

'Lectric Boots

  • Model:
  • Long Name:
  • Short Name:
  • AiCID: (1/128 chance when melee-attacking) "Lick my boot!" / "Mighty foot engaged!" / "Hee-YAH!" / "Falcon Kick!" / "Boot to the head!" / "Percussive maintenance!" / "MMMELEE!" (Super Smash Bros. Melee announcer)
  • Ammo Type: None (infinite-ammo fallback weapon)

Probably from an off-hand button, the player begins the game with "whisper-quiet" 'Lectric Boots. Essentially ordinary combat boots, but with a hidden electrical charge pack that can either be used to directly damage an enemy in front of the player, or aim at the floor to unleash a small shockwave. Both attacks will stun their targets momentarily, but direct attacks do more damage and stun longer.

Plasma Sword

  • Model:
  • Long Name: Shaped-Energy Nano Blade
  • Short Name: Plasma Sword
  • AiCID: "Dragon's Tooth!" / "Your father's lightsaber!" / "Whip-PSSSH! Beam it!" / "Unite the Triads!" / "An elegant weapon, from like, right now, man!" / "Sword! That's a personal weapon!" / "SHINGGG!" (sword unsheathing sound) / "Is it Sunday again?"
  • Ammo Type: Common battery

Because even the melee weapons are energy-based, the Plasma Sword carries on Halo’s tradition of hideously overpowered and ammo-costing implements of slicing and dicing. I probably can’t replicate the “homing dash” effect from Halo, so I’ll just have to focus on making this thing extra extra badass.

Solar Flashlight

  • Model: Makoto Arms Type 1600
  • Long Name: Makoto Arms Solar Flashlight
  • Short Name: Solar Flashlight
  • AiCID: "Sun!" / "AHHH, bright light!" (Gremlins) / "I HAVE A SUUUUUUNNNN!" / "DOUBLE SUN POWERRRRRRR!" (after sufficient upgrades) / (randomly makes motorcycle revving noises when cranking)
  • Ammo Type: Internal battery, recharges with a crank via altfire

Born from a "happy accident" at the Makoto Arms labs in southern Okinawa, the Solar Flashlight resulted from an experiment in using a hand-cranked dynamo to provide up to five times more power than other, similarly-built hand-crank flashlights. The dynamo ended up producing so much power through the flashlight that the light bulb exploded, but not after its powerful ultra-violet light gave an unwitting passer-by a slight sunburn.

Much experimentation was done to duplicate the same results over a longer period of time with a more durable source of light. Eventually, the Makoto scientists produced a light bulb capable of producing third-degree burns (the Research Crimes Prevention Agency at some point stepped in to ensure that no live test subjects were being used). The Solar Flashlight was finally pushed to market, but with it being classified as a "Chapter 2 Inhumane Weapon" under the Arms Limitation Act of 2060, no government agency or military branch would purchase any, so Makoto quickly remarketed the Solar Flashlight as a "portable solar battery charging device" with appropriate warning signage. Even so, however, the Solar Flashlight has been due for a recall for several decades. Until that happens, though, it can be used to blind robots' cameras, or with a little patience, set fires or burn holes through the weaker ones.

Kinetic Battery Dispersion Pistol

  • Model: CORBEX SA-99
  • Long Name: Kinetic Battery Dispersion Pistol
  • Short Name: Kinetic Pistol
  • AiCID: "Run and gun, man!" / "Kinetic!" / "Find somethin' better, man!"
  • Ammo Type: Internal battery, recharges via player movement

The player begins the game equipped with a Kinetic Battery Dispersion Pistol, a slow-firing pistol that fires quick-but-weak projectiles (roughly Doom Pistol damage) and has theoretically infinite ammo. It holds a maximum of 20 charges (more with upgrades), and charges only when the player is moving.

Alien Pistol(s)

  • Model:
  • Long Name:
  • Short Name: Alien Pistol
  • AiCID: "New York Reload!" / "How many of these have you got?" / "Throw 'em all, we got more!"
  • Ammo Type: Spare Pistols

A reasonably formidable weapon on its own, these pistols fire projectiles that are somewhat slower but slightly more damaging than those of the Kinetic that you start with. They may also be charged by holding down the fire button, and [assuming I can figure it out] dual-wielded.

Heat Ray

  • Model: CORBEX ULLA-451
  • Long Name: Directed-Energy Incinerator Rifle
  • Short Name: Heat Ray
  • AiCID: "Heat Ray!" / "Come on, Thunder Child!" / "ULLA!" (Musical War of the Worlds) / "Light 'em up, man!"
  • Ammo Type: Common battery

Inspired from certain Fighting Machines that invaded at the turn of the 20th century, the Heat Ray fires a constant beam that tends to ignite things. Care must be taken that the weapon itself does not set fire as well; fortunately, the weapon will shut down if heat becomes too high, preventing serious injury to the user, but be careful that this does not happen in the middle of a fight. The Heat Ray will cool down even if it is not the active weapon. It draws ammo from the common battery pool.

Helix Cannon

  • Model:
  • Long Name: Rotary Helix-Pattern Spread Fire Cannon
  • Short Name: Helix Cannon
  • AiCID Name: "Mister DNA!"

Pretty much the one from Descent 2.

Autorifle

  • Model:
  • Long Name:
  • Short Name: Auto-Rifle
  • AiCID Name: "A rifle's a rifle, man." / "Plasma rifle!" / "Pulse rifle!" / "Blaster rifle!" / "Heavy Machine Gun!" (Metal Slug X)
  • Ammo Type: Common Battery

Takes after the one from Timesplitters 3. Fast projectiles, low damage, no reloads, fire rate increases the more it is fired, but at the risk of overheating the weapon. Use the firing sound from Tron 2.0’s Blaster Mesh weapon.

Plasma Grenade Launcher

  • Model: Margrave Tactical MTD-5
  • Long Name: Plasma Grenade Activation Adaptor
  • Short Name: Grenade Launcher
  • AiCID: "Big explosions, O-Kay!" / "Oooh, sticky!" / "Heheh, kaboom!" / "Boom pipe!" / "Post-it mines!" / "Is that a spider? Get it off!" (Red vs Blue)
  • Ammo Type: Plasma Grenades

Humans haven't quite figured out controlled plasma detonations, but aliens have, so humanity "borrowed" a large shipment of their plasma grenades. Ordinarily, plasma grenades need to be primed with the aliens’ DNA signatures and rank authorization (primarily so that enemy forces can’t use them), but SLC have figured out how to “spoof” the authorization check on these grenades with a specialized launcher. Propel plasma grenades several meters. Plasma grenades will stick to whatever they hit, and their two-second timer will not start until they’ve hit something. Alternate fire performs a controlled detonation within the gun, with a similar effect to a Dragon’s Breath shotgun shell, dealing severe damage to whatever is in close proximity. The weapon will need to be cooled for a couple of seconds after firing it, though.

Bullseye

  • Model:
  • Long Name:
  • Short Name: Homing Rifle
  • AiCID: "Bullseye!" / "Can't hide from us!" / "Can't hide from me! Er, us!" / "I could aim, but with this thing, I don't have to!" (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
  • Ammo Type: Common battery

Shamelessly ripped from the PS3 game Resistance, except I don’t think I’ll be able to do the target-painting dart. The Bullseye fires a very quick, very wide spread of tiny projectiles that don’t do much damage on their own, but will home in on targets on screen. Basically, if the Bullseye can see you, you’re probably fucked. Only problem is, Bullseye is in charge of picking the targets, not you, so it’s not advisable to try this weapon if you need to focus fire on one specific baddie.

Pirated Copland Beta

  • Model: ???
  • Long Name: Unidentified Alien Weapon
  • Short Name: Pirated Copland Beta
  • AiCID: "Like, what is this thing?" / "Pirated Copland Beta." (Flat, monotone) / "Weapon Identification Database has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down." (sped up artificially, and in a different, more business-like voice)
  • Ammo Type: Internal (ammo counter appears corrupted, refills if another is found)

(Alien Weapon) - Pretty much would behave identically to the one in Marathon 2; no visible ammo counter, fire damage. Altfire resembles the one from Marathon 1 instead.

Mk.4 “Crazy Sue”

  • Model:
  • Long Name:
  • Short Name:
  • AiCID: "Crazy Sue!" / "Bouncy-bouncy!" / "Now that's a big fu---uh, a big gun." / "Nothin's gonna be left when we're through with this thing!" / "HAHAHAHA" (maniacal laughter, gets cut off after about 1 second)
  • Ammo Type: Common battery

Originally designed by Dr. Susan Gertrudovich, the Crazy Sue came about from a certain infamous accident involving a particle accelerator and a high-reflective panel. Although said accident claimed the lives of her fellow scientists, Susan did not swear off her science; rather, the accident inspired her to create this particle-based weapon that fires a large spread of bouncing gamma particles that will do serious damage to a room full of baddies. Best advice is to fire the initial bolt into a room and shut the door. And no, the nickname was not Dr. Gertrudovich’s idea.

Enemies

In the tradition of Descent, the enemy force consists primarily of human-designed robots intended for various purposes, infected by an unknown virus. There is perhaps some room for a Descent parody in here, but primarily the enemies are going to be meant to resemble the 1990s "CGI Turd" style, so lots of unnecessary shininess where applicable. Useful games to check for enemy sprites: In Pursuit of Greed, ZAR, MadSpace, CyberMage, Marathon 2's XBLA resources, CyClones, and anything else torridgristle might have got his hands on.

AiCID

AiCID (short for AI-Controlled Inventory Depository, and pronounced Ay-sid) is this mod's justification for the player being able to carry absolutely everything. He is in charge of managing the player's weapons, batteries, and inventory items, by way of digitally storing them in a "hammerspace matrix" in a way reminiscent of the inventory system in Beyond Good & Evil. It chose how to pronounce its own name, and most shorthand references to the AiCID system are with male pronouns. Its speech mannerisms are closest to Phil-3B from Forsaken.

Things AiCID does/notices

In all cases, AiCID is designed to say nothing if he has already said something in the last 5 seconds, or if someone else is already speaking. (From a technical perspective, we'll have an inventory flag called AiCID_Busy that is used by the scripts, and another called AiCID_Mute that is controlled by a user setting, so players can disable him outright.)

  • Weapon switches (1 in 64 chance per switch)
  • Weapon pickups (1 in 16 chance per pickup, 1 in 8 if it's a new weapon)
  • Powerups (in all cases)
  • Upgrades (in all cases)
  • Capacity boosts (in all cases)
  • Opening/closing the status menu (1 in 16 chance)
  • Whenever needed by a Codec call

HQ

New For This Mod™ is a Codec (or something) button; press the button, select an option, and HQ will give you a description of:

  • Your mission. Every couple of levels this will change; doesn’t affect gameplay and is mainly there for flavor.
  • A primer on your Shield system.
  • The weapon you are currently wielding.
  • And whatever other silly shit I can have HQ talk to you about.

This is my latest attempt to close the gap between mod lore and the mod itself. It may require voice acting but this could be fun to do. Also fun with bandpasses and the “crisping” filter. Subtitles optional. (And also “Hunnigan Mode,” which replaces all of HQ’s spoken lines with the sound of a cat meowing, for no reason whatsoever.)

Conversations

Labels for conversations are P (Some Guy with a Blaster) and H (HQ). If the "Voice" option is set to "Hunnigan," all of HQ's spoken lines are replaced with cat sounds.

Weapons

Kinetic Pistol

  • P: HQ, I've been meaning to ask, does my sidearm ever run out of ammo?
  • H: Not in the traditional sense, Debug One. The Kinetic Battery Dispersion Pistol never needs to reload, because its battery charges based on a motion-sensitive internal recycler.
  • P: And...that works how, exactly?
  • H: In short, the more you run, the more shots you can get out of it.
  • P: Come to think of it, that does explain all the jogging you made me do at Fort Tolwyn.
  • H: If you're planning to use your sidearm frequently, it'd be in your best interests not to hold still.
  • P: Acknowledged. Debug One out.

Heat Ray

  • H: I see you’ve found yourself a Heat Ray. Did you ever read about the Martian invasion at the turn of the 20th century? They used weapons a lot like this.
  • P: This is the same kind of gun that sank the HMS Thunderchild, right?
  • H: Exactly. It took us centuries before we figured out how they worked, but now we can fit one in your hand instead of on those massive tripods. Just watch your heat indicator. We included a safety cutoff if it gets too hot, but you’ll want to make sure that doesn’t happen in the middle of a big fight.

Miscellaneous

AiCID

  • P: HQ, about this voice in my ear...
  • H: You mean AiCID? (long "A" sound)
  • P: What's it supposed to do?
  • H: It's an AI-controlled Inventory Depository. It digitally stores and retrieves weapons on request. We call it "AiCID" for short.
  • P: AiCID? Shouldn't it be pronounced "acid"?
  • H: No, Debug One, it insisted on the long A.
  • P: "It"? ...You're sure this thing isn't going to get infected?
  • H: No need to worry about that, Debug One, it already is.
  • P: What?!
  • H: We infected AiCID deliberately with a virus of our own. You know how vaccines work, right?
  • P: What kind of virus would...?
  • H: What I'm saying is, if AiCID tells you you've won a free smartphone, feel free to ignore it.
  • P: ...Acknowledged, HQ. Debug One out.

The Automap Saga

  • P: HQ, can you send me intel on my current location?
  • H: No can do, Debug One. Network connection is not secure to your location.
  • P: But you can send me messages...?
  • H: Debug One, the robots you're fighting are most certainly infected with one of the most potent and wide-reaching viruses we've ever seen. Any connection from you to us can be used as a backdoor for them to infect us. We're only able to speak because we're using analogue radio.
  • P: So let me get this straight...we're living in the 25th century, I'm carrying a laser gun that can charge itself just from me walking around...and we need to talk over a frequency that hasn't been used in almost 400 years, because of a virus threat?
  • H: Computer viruses are nothing to be trifled with, Debug One. HQ out.
  • P: HQ, please send me some blueprints of my current location.
  • H: Debug One, we've been over this.
  • P: HQ, I'm lost, I don't know where I haven't been yet!
  • H: Debug One...
  • P: I know it's against protocol, I know it's a security risk!
  • H: You will be endangering more lives than your own, Debug One, we cannot comply with your request.
  • P: Well, damn. Worth a try. Debug One out.
  • P: HQ, can I convince you to make one exception?
  • H: Is this about the map data you still need?
  • P: Yup. Still need it.
  • H: Alright, fine. Because it's you, we'll make one exception. Stand by. Establishing wireless connection to your PDA.
  • P: Confirmed, HQ. Connection established.
  • H: Sending the data.
  • P: Got it. ...Hey, that wasn't so bad, was it?
  • H: Uh, Debug One?
  • P: HQ?
  • H: Our systems are getting some weird behavior. We'll get back to you when we've figured out the cause.
  • P: Roger. Thank you, by the way. Debug One out.
  • P: HQ?
  • H: Debug One, we're having some problems right now. Still looking into the cause.
  • P: Uh-oh. Did they catch the backdoor?
  • H: That's entirely possible--Crewman, pull that cable right now!
  • Crewman: Cable pulled!
  • P: Guessing this is a bad time.
  • H: We should be sorted in a minute or so, Debug One. But before you ask: no more blueprints.
  • P: Too big of a risk, huh?
  • Crewman: This machine's done for, Colonel!
  • H: Roger, Crewman. Power it down, we'll purge it with the others.
  • P: That answers that, I guess. Debug One out.
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